Nickelback suck so bad
February 22nd 2007 12:59
So I was at work the other day and this girl (late teens) comes waddling in buying some crappy thing or another, and I notice she's wearing a Nickelback t-shirt. There's no one else in the store, I'm going insane with boredom. I nod towards her shirt as I scan her book.
"Man, that band SUCKS!"
She looks all shocked or something, "What?"
"I said 'Nickelback SUCKS!'"
"I beg your pardon, do you think you should be talking to a customer like this?"
"That shirt negates all normal codes of social interaction".
"HEY!" She shrieks, "I'm gonna make a complaint!"
I lean over the counter and punch her in the face, busting open her lip. She tumbles back, tears welling in her eyes.
"If you're gonna complain about me you better make it worthwhile".
And then she just snaps, she comes flailing at me, her fingers curved like bird claws, her face all red and puffy, screaming incomprehensively. I lean back and away from the counter as she tries in vain to hoist her weight up onto the bench. I reach under the counter and produce a rather heavy pole and I swing it into the side of her head and she drops out of sight onto the floor. I lean forwards over the counter to see the result... her body lays prostate and face down on the carpet. Still as a corpse.
I walk out from behind the counter and pull her rather heavy body along the carpet towards the back of the shop. It's not as easy as I imagined it to be, her arms and legs flop about and snag themselves on shelves and stands and so on. At one point she moans audibly so I kick her in the back of the head with the heel of my boot and she quietens down again.
I open the door to the back room and am immediately assailed with cheers and screams of approval from the kids. All seven of the little ones hop up and down for joy as I dump the body in front of them. I hand the eldest the meat cleaver that sits in the block on the highest shelf of the back room.
"Divide her up nice and even, there's plenty for her to go around" I advise.
The kids cheer some more and I close the door behind me as I make for the front counter again, dull and heavy chops barely audible through the door and their excitement.
"Man, that band SUCKS!"
She looks all shocked or something, "What?"
"I said 'Nickelback SUCKS!'"
"I beg your pardon, do you think you should be talking to a customer like this?"
"That shirt negates all normal codes of social interaction".
"HEY!" She shrieks, "I'm gonna make a complaint!"
I lean over the counter and punch her in the face, busting open her lip. She tumbles back, tears welling in her eyes.
"If you're gonna complain about me you better make it worthwhile".
And then she just snaps, she comes flailing at me, her fingers curved like bird claws, her face all red and puffy, screaming incomprehensively. I lean back and away from the counter as she tries in vain to hoist her weight up onto the bench. I reach under the counter and produce a rather heavy pole and I swing it into the side of her head and she drops out of sight onto the floor. I lean forwards over the counter to see the result... her body lays prostate and face down on the carpet. Still as a corpse.
I walk out from behind the counter and pull her rather heavy body along the carpet towards the back of the shop. It's not as easy as I imagined it to be, her arms and legs flop about and snag themselves on shelves and stands and so on. At one point she moans audibly so I kick her in the back of the head with the heel of my boot and she quietens down again.
I open the door to the back room and am immediately assailed with cheers and screams of approval from the kids. All seven of the little ones hop up and down for joy as I dump the body in front of them. I hand the eldest the meat cleaver that sits in the block on the highest shelf of the back room.
"Divide her up nice and even, there's plenty for her to go around" I advise.
The kids cheer some more and I close the door behind me as I make for the front counter again, dull and heavy chops barely audible through the door and their excitement.
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Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life