Toilet Review
October 8th 2006 11:33
Readying myself to review the premises
Too often toilets get ignored by the so-called 'critics'. Sure, you can look in a newspaper, or a magazine, or a blog, or watch TV, and see some farty old fart farter reviewing a newspaper, or a magazine, or a blog, or a television show, but maaaaaaaan, why don't none of these cats wanna review toilets?
I went into a pub once and the toilet was so fucked... it was covered in bits of shit and wouldn't flush and there was piss on the floor and the door on the cubicle wouldn't shut. What's wrong with these places? Why can't they have functioning toilets like everywhere else? Why even bother having toilets if you can't fucking use them? Huh? Huh fuckers? You getting this pub-owners? Clean your shitty cans already!
Best. Toilet. Ever.
The other night I went to a local pub... it was recently refurbished and it's looking quite good these days and not all like the derro-filled dive it once was. Sure, the drinks are a little bit more expensive, and the derros have all been swapped for massive tossbags with trendily-bad haircuts and horny housewives eating up the karaoke stage with their inappropriate levels of oestrogen. But - oh happy days - the toilets are the BEST toilets I have EVER seen in a pub.
Inspecting the toilet up-close. Yep - definitely clean!
Okay, firstly these toilets are pretty darn clean. It shows that not only does the pub care about their punters feeling comfortable with their toilets, but it also shows that the pub is no longer attracting the kind of shit-on-the-seat, piss-happy, cubicle door-destroying derros that it used to. But this isn't what makes these toilets the best toilets ever.
Demonstrating hugability.
The pub has actually put thought into the design of their toilets.
See how round the toilet rim is? This is the perfect shape and size for arms to hug around. There's nothing worse than getting to that stage of the night where you need to grasp the toilet rim solidly and finding that it's a silly or inappropriately protracted shape. It's just not on. It's about time that a pub wised up and made it easier for it's patrons to expel the alcohol they have so lovingly imbibed. Oval is wrong. Round is right!
Note: Enough room to lie down comfortably.
Also, the cubicles are nice and big too. It's not a hassle to get the door to close behind you, and there is ample room for legs to stretch out. I have a friend who passed out in a toilet cubicle once and he fell asleep in there... I've been told that it's not too comfortable. But with leg-room like this, those days are clearly over!
It's innovative toilet designs like these that make me glad to be a denizen of the 21st century. I give these toilet cubicles a 10 out of 10. So good I sometimes go out just to use them instead of my toilet at home.
Thanks to Keira for the use of her camera.
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Comment by Keira
Keira's Blog
Therefore, for spewing reasons 10/10
For other uses, 7/10.
Comment by Luke
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Cane Toad Warrior
I'm yet to take a dump on one of these toilets so I can't really comment on the sitting factor.
Comment by dr avalanche
but that's just me.
Comment by Luke
Book Club
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
I know exactly what you mean.
these walls were quite solid.
Comment by Ragin Cajun
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Death By Myopia