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Cane Toad Warrior - March 2007

the customer is not always right.

March 26th 2007 04:30

No GST for me!

Sometimes I feel as if I’ve slipped through a crack in the fabric of reality and have fallen through to a parallel universe where the normal manners of everyday human-interaction have been twisted into a bizarre parody of what they were.

For example, when I work in the bookstore, I will get customers who come up to me with a book they want to buy, but it’s like they’re angry with me for ‘making’ them buy the book. They’ll make snide comments about being ripped off, or won’t say ‘thank you’, or will be reluctant to hand me their money, or will argue over the price, or will berate me for the poor quality of my register’s receipts. This one guy wouldn’t leave because he felt the receipt the machine had printed was unacceptable. He said the ink was too faded and the itemized breakdown wasn’t detailed enough… now, really, what can I or any other human being do about that? I assured him that the receipt could be read clearly (he was holding it upside-down, hence his confusion and it’s ‘unreadability’), read it to him out loud, re-wrote the company’s ABN number on the back, and assured him that a tax agent would accept it. Eventually, after five minutes of waving the receipt at my face and waiting for a discount that was never going to come, he gave up and left. The dumb old shit.

Now, harking back to those customers who act rudely and act affronted that my shop’s wares have violently coerced them into parting with their money – guess what? No one is forcing you to buy these books! This is how I think they must see it…

…A regular day. Joe Customer is walking along and minding his own business when all of a sudden a shopping centre comes out of nowhere and ambushes him (I hate it when that happens!) He tries to escape but there are shops all around him now, and the bookstore sees him and opens up it’s jaws, snapping him up greedily. Suddenly, he finds himself accosted by hordes of aggressive-yet-reasonably priced clearance books. Unable to defend himself, some books ram themselves into his hands and then drag him to the counter where I perch behind the register like a great malevolent vulture waiting for prey. I grab him in a headlock, force him down over the counter, pull his wallet from his pocket, take his $12.98 (price based on average sale), anally rape him for good measure, and then force him to take his change and receipt. Before he can make a run for it though, I then maliciously put his books into a plastic bag and force it into his hands, villainously thanking him as he finally gets away. I’m such a bastard!

Meanwhile, back in reality, like I give a shit if some old penny-pinching fart buys a half-price book on gardening or not. Don’t want to part with your money? Then don’t freaking buy the book!

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Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

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