Three People who are Better than Mark Knopfler
December 12th 2006 07:17
-------------------------ROUND ONE------------------------
MARK KNOPFLER
Hi. I知 Mark Knopfler. I play in Dire Straits, the most boring band ever created. Calling Elvis! I知 raping music! I should have stuck to teaching and journalism, then my shitness would have only been restricted to a minority.
DR RON SIMMS
I知 a bum who drinks at the Gearins Hotel in Katoomba. You can recognize me by my drunken slur and natural affinity with plaid clothing. I claim to be a doctor of classical music, and even though this is probably an inebriated fantasy, I知 still not as shit as Mark Knopfler.
-------------------------ROUND TWO------------------------
I started out in music only one year after the Sex Pistols, yet I still manage to sound like the guitar equivalent of Mormon Christianity. I dress like a dickhead so that my fans can identify with me. Go to any RSL, pick out the nearest dribbler, and you値l find one of my fans.
MAN WITH A BEER CASE ON HIS HEAD
I have a case of beer for a helmet. I don稚 need to do anything else, this in itself makes me better than Mark Knopfler. I could be a sex offender or a Bankstown resident and I壇 still be one up on Knopfler.
-------------------------ROUND THREE------------------------
Not content with assailing the world with the musical abortion that is Dire Straits, I also have a rather lucrative and offensive solo career in music. Mate, I知 a fucking arsehole. I could be a terrorist for all you know. I actually spread AIDS in my spare time.
WOMAN WITH A BADARSE FLAT TOP MULLET AND AN UNDERDEVELOPED MOUSTACHE.
I carry ciggies in my sleeve. Enough said.
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Comment by Wow
Rofl.
I mean, this is even more boring and idea-less than Dire Straits.
Comment by Luke
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seems I know more about music then you do about constructing sentences, lol
Comment by Anonymous
and by far more talented than you'll ever be.
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and by far more talented than you'll ever be.
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my motivation for writing this article was actually one of seething jealousy.
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Comment by Si
...he owns your mum too.
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Comment by Si ('Horrible Callous Person')
A bad attitude will breed disgust and dislike: combined, these qualities will result in a responsive dialogue of acerbic discourse that is usually general and unfriendly.
Before you accuse me of being 'callous' and 'cruel' you really ought to consider that it is you who has brought this upon yourself by beginning the process of 'hatred'.
My comments are purely objective, and not directed specifically to your 'real life'. I know nothing of you, your apparent deceased family members or anything else you are or do when you're not spreading hate over a computer. I also, would not disrespect them in a determined and malicious way, so I apologise for the content of my comments... but not for the general tone (which I submit I hoped you would merely interpret generally rather than specifically... given your own previous use of this).
You should feel thankful that my comments were merely comedic in nature, and instead I didn't respond with 'How I would like to punch you in the head', because at the time I would've gladly.
If you don't wish for people to get pissed off and respond accordingly, then grow up: if you're going to criticise a reknown and established guitar virtuso such as MK, then have something constructive and/or specific to comment about on his music.
'Dire straits are a musical abortion' - or words thereof displays exactly the same level of consideration my words possessed (or in reality, the lack of consideration). Rude and offensive they certainly were, but that was in accordance to your behaviour - the impetus for my retort to begin with.
Lastly, the only reason people are likely to read anything you have written in the concerned area, is if (like me) they have been searching specifically for pictures, info, tour dates or biographical material on the group/solo artist referred to: therefore, the only people likely to access this page are going to get pissed off at your immaturity.
I hate Spice Girls, and Motley Crue and Usher and Girls Aloud... but I don't disrespect their fans, who are among people close to me as a matter of fact. Also, I might make the odd 'callous' observation about how 'crap' I *personally* feel they are... but I certainly do not devote my time to making a whole internet site/page about it.
In the words of the infamous Cap' Jack Sparrow: 'You need to find yourself a girl, mate.'
Comment by Luke
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I can't believe anyone would be so angry about this that they'd actually want to punch me in the face. Wow.
All I can say is: you're a fucking retard. The internet is full of all kinds of offensive information, if you or anyone else is gonna get riled up everytime they come across something that offends them then perhaps you should keep away from the internet altogether? It certainly doesn't sound good for your health.
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Comment by Si ('Horrible Callous Person')
Well, that's not really surprising, given that you have the literary skills of a intoxicated Scottish garden gnome pertaining to be Mr. Bean whilst high on acid.
Regarding my feeling the urge to 'punch you in the face', as the previous angry dissident has already commented - your face probably isn't exactly a bundle of laughs. I assume it is most likely one of those faces where people just can't help walk past and say 'God almighty! Someone burn it before the children die of fright interjected with hysterical laughter!'
Your attitude is risible. You're so out of your league you must be seeing spaceships. Not only are you deaf, but you're also tactless: I believe 'retard' became a politically incorrect word at the time your daddy was still banging your nanny when you were five?
It's people like you that leave the world in... dire straits. The world is full of rape and murder and poverty and death... so by your suggestion, ought we all to ignore it and leave it alone? Just because 'it is full of it'? What are we to do then? Switch off our lives?
Oh well... if *you* think so, we really should just do whatever the hell you suggest.
Or... we can just make the necessary deduction that you're a spiteful little nobody who probably masturbates over 'Nuts' magazine because no woman (nor man
The internet is merely a projection of our inanimated lives, and whatever exists on it, exists in us. Therefore... if you were sprouting out this bullshit in the middle of a crowded pub, (if you were old enough to drink, which I think is clearly not the case) then chances are that someone would take issue, and yes, someone might even punch you in the head.
So... I think the key thing here is that you really ought to grow up and take responsibility for your actions and/or comments.
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haha
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I posted some of this stuff on a messageboard I frequent and we all had a good laugh about it... I mean, I've written articles that make fun of AIDS, the death of Stan Zemanyk, Schapelle Corby's incarceration and the use of heroin as a weight loss program and for some reason it's the Mark Knopfler article that cops the most flak. Does anyone else see what's wrong with this picture?
Casting dispersions about my personal life that are way off the mark and using the word 'iccle' do NOT make someone a genius. But hey, whatever keeps you guys busy, I'm here to entertain.
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