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Cane Toad Warrior - November 2006

Beards

November 2nd 2006 09:11

Jonno tackles the big issues... here's his musing on beards

I’ve noticed a trend creeping back into society in the last couple of months. The beloved beard. It was king in the 70s and early 80s but was phased out towards the start of the nineties, and I’m not talking your poncy-arsed trendy beards with your pubic hair-width lines that go along your chin and join up to your so-called sideburns. I’m talking about buff, bushy, manly beards. I’m talking Ned Kelly. Some women aren’t a fan of the beard cause it intimidates them, it shows a man’s ferocious masculinity, and it dilutes their girl-power-woman-hear-me-roar-sort-of-shit. Everyone should embrace the beard as they have other 80s paraphernalia, EG. 80s clothing, fashion, music, blah blah blah. If you feel you’re not manly enough to grow a beard (or simply can’t), settle for a pair of buff sideburns, or a handlebar moustache (just like Boonie or Big Merv). You’ll find the ladies will start to love it. You’ll notice as you parade your newfound manliness it will mesmerize the ladies as you strut down the street. You’ll see all their eyes turning towards you, their tongues licking their lips, as they discover the power of the beard has made them helpless to you. So come on guys, be a man, and support the beard.

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Posted By: Luke - Category: Jonno's Rant

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Comments

16 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Ahmed

November 2nd 2006 11:00

techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three

"girl-power-woman-hear-me-roar-sort-of-shit"

nice, if there was a laughing smiley this would be the place to use it.

Your article is a little self contradicting with that picture..

Comment by Luke

November 2nd 2006 21:40

Book Club
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior

ahhhh... his beard goes okay in that photo.
He can grow a better one than me, that's for sure.
(I think that says more about my lack of beard-growing prowess though)

Comment by KylieW

November 3rd 2006 00:10

Celebrity Obsession

No, no, no Luke. The only thing a beard will achieve is ensuring that you won't get laid!!!

No girl wants beard rash anywhere.

Die beard. Die.

Comment by Shani

November 3rd 2006 04:17

Kylie speaks the truth.
I'm sorry Luke, but this as wrong as you could possibly be. Beards are disgusting, filthy, horrible, ugly things.
Ladies DO NOT like beards!!!!!!!!

Comment by Ahmed

November 3rd 2006 06:27

techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three

meh, thats the ladies problem. If all men grew beards, then what choice would your lot have?

Comment by Luke

November 3rd 2006 07:14

Book Club
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior

hahaha, I didn't write it! My brother Jonno did.

And I don't think two girls speak for ALL ladies.

Comment by Anonymous

November 3rd 2006 07:59

I don't find big bushy beards attractive, but some five-day stubble can be extremely sexy.

Comment by Ruth

November 4th 2006 23:53

NSW
ACT
VIC
SA
WA
NT
QLD
TAS

Here, here to beards are nasty!

Comment by Hellvis

November 6th 2006 01:12

Earache Hotel

I thought you only got beard rash from stubble. A full beard should be soft and snuggly.

I have evolved to the point where I find armpit hair attractive on a woman (provided she's hot in the first place; nobody wants an ugly AND hairy woman).

If only women could evolve to the same point and accept the beard as natural and every man's right, perhaps the human race wouldn't be as doomed as it appears.

Comment by Hellvis

November 6th 2006 01:18

Earache Hotel

Shit, I just realised how condescending that sounded. What I'm trying to say is, can't we just accept eachother for who we really are?

Comment by Luke

November 6th 2006 08:19

Book Club
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior

Women who don't like beards are probably more into tha ladies then tha men.

Comment by Anonymous

February 24th 2007 10:19

Extremely unattractive. I would never kiss a man who has a face that looks like his hairy bum! I have never known one of my female friends to say that it is sexy, but many men think it's sexy and manly! What is going on with that? I can't have a conversation with a bearded man because I am always thinking about how it looks like he needs to own a piece of female anatomy on his face. I have a friend who is bearded, and he always plays with it as if he thinks he is sending me sensual signals (when all I can think is how nasty he looks). I don't mind a neatly trimmed look, but would never want to have contact with it...lol! I think loads of dorks grows beards because they think it makes them a man. My friend just ends up chasing me away because he is so clueless. I tried to kiss a geologist once(sporting a beard of course) . He was so clueless how to kiss me with all that hair, that he actually sanded two layers of my skin off my face within only 3 minuets of kissing. To me a beard is a sign of insecurity and inconsideration. I suspect a relationship with a bearded man would end up being a situation of neglect.

Comment by Ahmed

February 24th 2007 10:25

techy.Bytes
Video Gamer Kids
Little Green Foosballs
PolyKicks
Qwerk
Cinema Three

Anonymous, you can tell that to a couple I know, their relationship got better after *he* dad grew a beard. I dunno if it had a direct cause in it or anything, but meh, it sure didn't make things worse for them.

Just saying..

and why are you kissing random geologists anyway?

Comment by Anonymous

February 28th 2007 14:50

I've just got myself a charming case of beard rash from a guy I met just recently. He had day-old stubble, and I now have a nice big orange spot on my chin which looks like an immune reaction to rapacious martian invaders. I'm wondering whether I might be better off kissing hedgehogs in the hope they'll change into my Prince. It's worth a shot. Has to be.

Comment by Anonymous

October 27th 2008 19:11

My cousin was at a holiday meal with his latest girlfriend and the subject of beards came up because he has a very thick black beard. Well, all the usual banter ran around the table, then Granny spoke up and said, "You have never kissed a MAN until you have kissed one with a beard!" Well, the room was silent for about fifteen seconds and then the mother said "Mom, Daddy never had a beard!?" Granny looked up from her plate and said, "Are you an idiot?" No one could finish their meal they were all laughing so hard - except Granny.

Comment by Luke

October 28th 2008 09:18

Book Club
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior

hahahahahah. that's a great story.

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