American have banned vegemite
March 27th 2007 11:12
So America have banned vegemite.
Something to do with the level of folate exceeding legal American levels. Is this a new law? I don’t know. If I was Prime Minister of Australia (and I tell you, if it was a just world and karma was real, I would be, and you’d all be quaking in your boots) that would be the end of all relations with the U.S. There would be no more trade. There would be no more flights to America. All American television shows would be banned from our televisions. American clothes brands would be ripped from the shoulders of every cultural wannabe in Australia. I would recall the Australian ambassador from America. I would pull the pants down of the American ambassador to Australia and I would make a video of him shivering and crying in a cage and I would smear vegemite right down the crack of his bum and I would send this video to America.
“We will not tolerate this slap to our face” George W Bush would say.
And I’d ring him up and I’d go, “Suck shit motherfucker, I just fed a full jar of vegemite to your ambassador and he repented”
“What do you mean ‘repented’?”
And then I’d hang up and I’d laugh because I’d just convinced the White House to accept my phone call as Call Collect so Australia wasn’t even charged for the telephone call.
And then George W Bush would cry because he’d realise that nobody loves him and nobody likes a smarmy bully. And then the United Nations would kick America out and I’d bring vegemite sandwiches for everyone. And then “Down Under” by Men At Work would start playing and we’d all play Aussie Rules Football, except when we all choose teams the American Representative would be the last one left unchosen and then we’d tell him the teams have to have even numbers and then he’d have to go and sit in the corner watching and wishing he could play.
And that would be that.
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