Amazing True Stories - Cane Toad Warrior

Cane Toad Warrior

E-mail Subscription

Receive an e-mail notification of new posts on this site:

Vimu Subscription

Amazing True Stories - Cane Toad Warrior

Previous Page (15-28) | Next Page (43-56)

A Full Moon

December 13th 2006 06:56

I haven't mooned in ages. There's some fun to be had with mooning though.

On my 22nd birthday I went to Penrith Panthers Leagues Club and got fairly drunk, anyways a mate of mine gave me a lift home and dared me to moon out of the window (shotgun) for the entire trip home. So I did. Anyway we pulled up at some lights and some old couple pulled up next to us. I'm there with my arse hanging out the window and the guy in the seat behind me winds down his window and calls out for the attention of the couple... I hear their gasps of surprise as Shano (the guy in the back) starts slapping my arse and laughing.

But still, I kept on keeping on!

The driver then decides he is going to take the 'scenic' route home, through the main street of Penrith, past a bunch of derros outside the pool hall. Unfortunately, a dare is a dare, and I had to keep my arse firmly outside of the window the whole time.

Pretty cold.

Good times.

Vote

Comments (2)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

Telstra, you are a Star!

December 6th 2006 08:13

The ‘system’ simply doesn’t work. I used to have my phone with Telstra but at the time of writing I switched to Optus about 8 months ago… anyway, somehow this left an unpaid amount with Telstra for one phone call or something – 22 cents (as you can see in the picture). Every month, without fail, I get a letter in the mail from Telstra… unpaid amount, 22 cents, ‘payment is not required until next bill’. The next bill is inevitably exactly the same and so it continues. I estimate that Telstra have spent a minimum of some $5 dollars by now. I tell people this, and they reply, “Well, obviously it’s automatic. A computer must send it out”. No shit. No human could possibly make the same error so extenuatingly! I’ll have to pay it eventually just to avoid a bad credit rating, even though I’m told my payment is not required yet and will never actually explicitly be asked to make said payment. But as you can see, the system isn’t working. It’s like the film ‘Brazil’… bureaucracy gone mad. The asylum is running itself. This is just small fry, but imagine what kind of stuff is going on elsewhere with bigger computers and bigger companies and bigger dickheads not looking out for these glitches.

Vote

Comments (1)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

Top 5 LOLz

December 1st 2006 10:18

I'm going away for a few days so I'm just doing a short post on each of my blogs today.

What are your top five LOLz moments?

I would have to go with...

The time I farted at work and blamed it on a customer.
When that bear ripped Dakota Fanning's head off.
Britney Spears vagina mania.
John Howard winning his third election.
My neighbour hating the Mormans so much that he chased them away from my doorstep. Good bloke.

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

My Formal (that's Prom Night, for any Americans reading)

November 22nd 2006 03:33

I went to my year 12 formal, despite deep reservations about what little significance it would hold for me. It was a horribly bleached out progression of mundane disappointments, each one stacking up upon the other until my energy levels were completely vanquished by a complete lack of alcohol, fun and afterparty.

1. I agreed to go with a girl just to stop her friend from asking me to go with her

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (7)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

I visited a Supre store and amazing things happened.

November 21st 2006 05:01

So I walked into this Supre shop the other day, cause there were hot chicks in there and stuff, and the lights were cranking a massive party atmosphere, and there was a girl dancing in the window. So I walked up to the bar (counter...) and asked for a Bourbon and Coke (like in a club...)

"Uh... yeah, real funny dickhead" says the foopterish tight-shirt wearing man behind the counter

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (4)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

Close Call

November 19th 2006 13:05

Flying donkey held back by cart.

Once, I was out on the booze in Penrith. I don’t remember how the night started and to be honest, I don’t actually remember anything about the night aside from this isolated incident I’m about to relate. It could’ve been any night I was out on the booze in Penrith, and there’ve been a few

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (6)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

Escalator Story

November 12th 2006 10:43

Today I was at work and outside my store is an escalator that leads down to Pitt Street mall. Anyways, this old lady in a wheelchair goes up to the escalator (someone was pushing her) and she decides she wants to go down the escalator, so she gets out of the chair and gets on.

As she descends she loses her balance (oh yeah, she's meant to be in a wheelchair!) and falls and tumbles all the way to the bottom

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (1)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

An Amazing True Story

November 10th 2006 11:18

So I was walking along in the Plaza and it’s heaps busy and there are kids everywhere. I mean everywhere. Wandering around, milling about, hanging out of fat guy’s arses, everywhere. So, myself being in a bit of a hurry, I had to tell one particular 7 year old girl to “get the fuck out of my way”. Obviously, her mum was kind of upset. She got all red in the face and grabbed me by the shoulder and screamed, “How dare you say that to a child!” So, doubly obviously, I punched her in the face and laughed. Security came along and shook my hand. They’re thinking about giving me an award. I’ll probably accept it.

Vote

Comments (28)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

Help

November 1st 2006 09:08

It’s funny, there are these series’ of books called ‘The Idiot’s Guide to’ and ‘For Dummies’ (EG. “An Idiot’s Guide to Dog Care”, “Windows XP for Dummies”, “An Idiot’s Guide to Breastfeeding”, “Self-Esteem for Dummies”, etc, etc), and they’ve both been huge successes as far as that sort of thing goes. And for years, here I am, operating under the misconception that people don’t like being called things like ‘Idiot’ and ‘Dummy’! What have I been doing? So, with this in mind, I set about correcting my mistake…

I walked down to the 7/11 around the corner from me and got a Hero roll, and when I bought it I said “Cheers retard!” and the guy got all offended! What’s going on? I don’t understand this topsy-turvy world anymore. I tried making my own series of guide-books too, but no one has so far been impressed with my “For Dumb Cunts” series, despite such easily-accessible and much-warranted titles like

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (7)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

10% off?

October 29th 2006 12:57

Old guy, “How much is this?”
Pointing to price sticker, “$10”
His wife, “Oh, just $10! Let’s get it

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (2)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

Bizarre and Disturbing but True - Eating Ortolans

October 26th 2006 12:02

The Ortolan Bunting is a small bird found throughout Europe and Asia. It is most famous in France where it plays an infamous and clandestine part in French cuisine

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

Public Masturbation

October 20th 2006 12:35

I was walking, in a calm and serene manner, through the lonesome streets of Penrith on a Sunday afternoon.

At the High Street crossroads, outside the Subway, Spotlight and Convenience store, we noticed an old drunk, some fifty years gone, abusing nobody in particular and ranting in a crazed manner

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (6)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

Why are you telling me this?

October 19th 2006 06:05

It was unlikely that Tim Bailey’s career was about to pick up again.

CONVERSATION WITH A CUSTOMER, some time ago.

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (5)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

The Dynamite Boy

October 18th 2006 13:12

The Dynamite Boy was born with a dynamite-shaped head, complete with a wick that stuck out of the top. Inside of him, alongside his vital organs and other necessities, was a great deal of combustible material. He was a reasonably happy young chap, not exceptionably bright but always listening nonetheless. He liked to ride around on trains and buses and see the different suburbs.

One day the Dynamite Boy’s path crossed with that of Jack Wasp’s. Jack Wasp was an angry ageing man with a large bloated abdomen and a stinger on his arse. He liked to light people’s heads on fire but always disappeared before they could realize they were burning, hence avoiding any blame

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote

Comments (2)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Luke - Category: Amazing True Stories

Email this Post to a Friend

Previous Page (15-28) | Next Page (43-56)

[ Cane Toad Warrior Home ] [ Create A New Post ]

Moderated by Luke

Orble

Orble Homepage

Start an Orble Blog

Subscribe to DailyOrble

Receive a daily e-mail of Orble's most popular posts