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Cane Toad Warrior - April 2007

The $3000 Baby Bonus

April 12th 2007 05:05
retard
Evolution clearly just doesn’t work anymore.

I don't understand the baby bonus idea.
One moment the government was having a whinge about illegal immigrants coming into our country, next moment they were suddenly encouraging people to boost the population.


Do we want people or not? Make up your mind. Encouraging poor and dumb people to procreate by waving dollars in front of them is hardly productive in terms of evolution. If they must give a dollar incentive to encourage procreation they should at least take the 3000 dollars and put it into trust funds for the child in question instead, or something else along those lines.

The knee-jerk reaction the Government has whenever the word ‘immigration’ is mentioned smacks of the 1901 ‘White Australia’ policy. Provided the immigrants in question have bankable skills and want to make a better life for themselves in this country I see no reason not to let them, it’s a lot more than a lot of our homegrown bums have set in their sights. It just irks me that the Government can't admit that it's racist. Half the Average Janes and Joes who whinge about illegal immigrants or immigrants in general use the "Australia can't sustain much more people" argument... where's their stance when the government starts dangling the almighty dollar in front of their salivating yokel jaws like a carrot for a syphalitic mule? I'll tell you where their stance goes, it buggers off because they'll root their way to a whole litter of 3-k kids if they smell money. Australia can't sustain more people my bloody hogseye.


I still fail to see why people should be encouraged to have kids.
If anything, the government should be paying people to be sterilised - it would be an easy way to enforce quality control. Anyone who’s that poor or dumb that they’ll willingly let themselves be sterilised in exchange for $3000 probably shouldn’t be having kids. Do it. Do it now. It’s detrimental to evolution to encourage our lowest ranks to breed.
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Random Facts

April 11th 2007 05:02
* Write ‘CHOICE COD’ on a piece of paper. Hold it upside down in front of the mirror. Neat, huh?

* Mexico once had 3 presidents in the space of three hours. Pretty stupid!.

* The first CD ever released was Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born in the USA’. If that’s all they had to offer maybe it should’ve been the last as well.

* Henry Ford caled his first car a ‘quadricycle’.

* Toothpaste is made from Diatoms – microscopic sea creatures, specifically their shells.

* A ‘hamlet’ is a town with a church. A town doesn’t become a ‘city’ until it has a cathedral. This might be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.
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What's so good about Good Friday?

April 10th 2007 04:56
crazy chinese
“They said I was too ugly to be famous! All I had to do was eat a baby, and now I’m a star!"

What’s so good about Good Friday? No shops are open, and supposedly I can’t eat meat. I suppose Christ died around Good Friday, so maybe that’s one good thing. I love how I’m supposed to not be able to eat meat yet, lo and behold, I found some and put it in my mouth and sure enough – I was able to eat it! No smiting from God or anything. Not even a tummy ache. I ate a great big juicy wad of chicken, plus some greasy ham-like bacon, courtesy of the Colonel. I would have eaten a steak as well, but the steak in my fridge kinda looked unedible.

You know what’s really dumb? This whole ‘let’s eat fish’ malarkey… if that wasn’t a publicity stunt spearheaded by Jesus to help his fisherman friends sell some produce, well, heck – I don’t know what it was! Besides, Christians are meant to avoid non-fish meats every Friday, not just one token Friday. And why are fish okay to eat? Don’t they have feelings? Did God label them “Floating cabbage, doesn’t count” so we’d have something to pick on while we paid our respects to all the other beasts and creatures. It's dumb because Christians aren't meant to eat meat on ANY Friday, yet they can only be arsed to do it once a year because they're so pissweak at their own crappy religion.

TIP: If you’re gonna make a religion, and make up a set of rules to go with it, the least you can do is follow these rules. It looks silly when you trumpet a religion whilst simultaneously disrespecting it.
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Telemarketers. We all freakin' hate them, right? The only people who don't hate them are those who actually are them. And even that aint definite.

In my house, my home phone is in another room to my bedroom. If I am in my bedroom, writing a blog or something, and I hear the phone ring, I have to rush and run to it in the hope that I will get there before it rings four times. If it rings four times, it will go to messagebank... and, as around 50 percent of the population is incapable of leaving a message (what gives?), this means I will miss the call altogether


[ Click here to read more ]
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Mullet kids!


Mother comes in to get some books. Little son runs around pulling books off tables, knocking them on the floor, runs off outside when mother tries to go to the counter to buy him books. She catches him and straps him into his pram, then he starts trying to pull some books off the table. Not once does the mother admonish him. I decide to offer her some advice


[ Click here to read more ]
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Portuguese is NOT for Dummies

April 4th 2007 10:44
Portuguese for Dummies


An email to John Wiley, the publishers of the 'For Dummies' series of books.
[ Click here to read more ]
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Nerf Jihad
Nerf Jihad #4


Following on from yesterday's reviews of the various issues of Nerf Jihad, I thought I'd put up this old interview I did with Matt Ford, the writer of the zine.
[ Click here to read more ]
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Nerf Jihad

April 2nd 2007 10:33
Nerf Jihad
Nerf Jihad #3

Nerf Jihad is a great original zine by a guy called Matt. He covers a little bit of music, but most of it deals with his hilarious joustings with various Australian celebrities and companies. Each issue of the zine features incredibly funny letters that he sends away to the famous and commercially-savvy, and at least half of these people seem to take his letters completely seriously - as evidenced by their replies. It's great stuff. Matt also writes various articles and short biographical pieces with great wit and comical flair. Anyway, I highly recommend these zines, you can get them here - Nerf Jihad.

[ Click here to read more ]
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