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Cane Toad Warrior - January 2007

The Extinction of the Baiji

January 30th 2007 07:55
Click here for photos

Sometimes it really does seem like we're fighting a losing battle. The Baiji (also called the Chinese or Yangzte River Dolphin) appears to be the latest animal to become extinct. It's the first large mammal to become extinct in some time, and the first water-dwelling mammal to die out since the Caribbean Monk Seal disappeared back in the 1950s. This is a sad time for ecology.

The Institute of Hydrobiology in Wuhan, China, along with the help of the Swiss Baiji organisation, conducted a six-week survey of the Yangzte River in November and December 2006 (yes, only a month ago) with the express purpose of documenting Baiji numbers. Their search yielded no finds, and the dolphin was declared 'functionally extinct'. This means that, for all intents and purposes, it has died out or that it's impossble for the population to recover due to diminished numbers. Even if the survey missed one or two of the creatures, it will not be enough for the species to survive beyond their years.


The Baiji has always existed in a delicate balance with the environment. Freshwater River Dolphins are rare creatures and seldom seen by humans due to their shy nature. The industrialisation of China throughout the 20th century has made it hard for the creatures to survive in the Yangzte River, and very few of them have ever survived in captivity for more than a few months - making it hard for zoological groups to preserve the species via a breeding program. The last time Baiji calves were seen was in the 1980s.

There are four other species of River Dolphins left, though all are critically endangered. These species are the La Plata Dolphin, which lives in coastal waters off eastern South America, the Boto, which lives in the Amazon, the Ganges and Indus River Dolphins, that live in India and Pakistan, and the Irrawaddy Dolphin, which lives in South-East Asia.


David Attenborough's excellent series, 'The Life of Mammals' features footage of both the Baiji and Boto.

For more info, check out the Baiji website - Baiji
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Six & Out

January 28th 2007 11:12


I picked up a cassette tape of the album by Cricket's premier band (Six and Out, featuring Brett Lee on guitar and vocals, along with about four other moderately well-known cricketers) for only $1.30 at work a few weeks. It's fucking terrible and hilarious at the same time. More than half the album is covers (‘eagle rock’, ‘psycho killer’) yet they still have the lyrics for every song written up in their booklet. Anyways, they do a version of 'Howzat' (Daryl Braithwaite does some mean backup 'yeah-heeeehs' towards the end) and they all rap in it and it's atrocious, here's the lyrics...

In our game we got spin and swingers
Hot leg breaks and 'wanna-be' singers
We're high on rock, where egos fly
And we thought we'd give a little rap a try
With our baggy greens on back to front
We're in the groove now stump to stump
When a wicket falls we give a cool low 5
All the girlies say we're pretty rad for white guys

With our gold chains on we strut to the crease
No need for a helmet, got hair full of grease
We're master blasters, number one
Let's get, let's get, let's get it on
Check my shades and my bag of tricks
Step back and hit that rock for six
With a hip hop, big slog, give it all I got
All the girlies say what a whack, what a big shot, big shot, big shot, big shot

Now under the lights in one day drag
Bet ya all (yeah) wanna see the tail end wag
A nick through the slips and there aint no catch
Took the tun and we stole the match
We're Six & Out and we've got no shame
We dig the music and we love this game
We're in the charts with a Howzat mix
All the girlies say we go real big, real big...

For more Brett Lee musical-hilarity, check out this - Brett Lee goes to Bollywood
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Ascension Island

January 25th 2007 06:17
I've never really complete understood why, but I have an intense and obsessive fascination with remote islands. It led me to read this book, and from there I've followed all sorts of lines of curiosity. The biggest tragedy is that I'll probably never have the means or chance to visit these places. But we can dream, can't we?

The first island I would like to summarise here is Ascension Island.



ASCENSION ISLAND

Ascension Island is one of the British Empire's last colonies. It's closest neighbour is the British colony island of St. Helena, about 800 kms away. Ascension Island has no permenant population, due to their being nothing worth staying for on the island. It's main worth in the past has been as a strategic point in the Atlantic Ocean (last utilised in WW2 as a refuelling point for the Americans). As such it has transient populations from both England and America, mostly military or research-based. Supplemental occupations that exist to service the temporary population are mostly filled by St. Helenians.

Ascension Island was first discovered by the Portuguese in the early 16th century. It was used mostly as a rendezvous point by ships for the following three centuries. In 1815 the British claimed it (along with Tristan de Cunha, far to the south in the Atlantic Ocean) to ensure that they controlled the waters around St. Helena, where they had exiled Napoleon Bonaparte.

Capitol: Georgetown
Language(s): English
Area: 91 square kms
Currency: Acceptable currencies are British pound, American dollar and St. Helena pound.
Population: Anywhere between 1000 and 3000.
Government: Ascension Island is looked after by an Administrator, who is appointed by the Governor of St. Helena. Ascension Island is considered to be a dependency of St. Helena.
Accessibility: Provided you have permission from the Administrator (which isn't entirely hard to get), you can fly from Oxford, England, to Ascension Island on a military plane for the sum of roughly 1000 pounds. Otherwise, there is a ship that travels from Cardiff to Cape Horn four times a year that stops at Ascension Island and St. Helena on it's voyage. I'm not sure how easy it is to get a berth on this ship.
Settlements: The biggest settlement is Georgetown, which has over 500 residents. The U.S. Bases, Cat Hill and Traveller's Hill, have about 350 residents between them. A further 120 people live at Two Boats Village in the island's middle.
Culture/Customs: Ascension Island is fairly British, and owing to the fact that very few people spend more than a few years there at the most, it isn't really a proper country or anything.

There are two pubs, a local newspaper, and various casually-operated shops.

There is also a golf course on the island that is listed in the Guinness Book of Records as the 'worse golf course on the whole planet'.

Male visitors and residents are expected to take part in a race from the shore to the island's only source of fresh water once a year.

Owing to the island's remoteness, it is said that a visitor can ensure they will never have to come back (most Ascension Island visitors are there for employment - St. Helena is a very poor country) if they paint a rock white on the side of the island's road. There are two conditions though, the painting must be done at night, and no one must see you do it. If someone sees you do it you are cursed to come back again.

Wildlife: Ascension Island is probably most famous for the thousands of Green Turtles that emigrate there year after year to lay their eggs. It is also home to various seabirds, including Wideawake Birds, Terns, Tropicsbirds and Noddies.
Wildlife (introduced): Ascension Island has been home to a feral donkey population for roughly 100 years now. There are also feral goats. Recent attempts have been made to cleanse the island of rats and feral cats.
Wildlife (endemic*): The tiny nearby island of Boatswain Bird Island (heavily protected due to it's natural heritage) is home to the Ascension Frigatebird. The Ascension Island Rail, a small flightless bird, became extinct in the early-to-mid 19th century due to the introduction of cats.

*Endemic - means a native-species that is found nowhere else in the world.



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Lose Weight Fast!

January 24th 2007 09:30


Hey fatty! Sick of being a lardarse


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Watching a movie with idiots

January 23rd 2007 09:24
Fuck, when I went and saw a movie recently there were all these dumb cunts fidgeting in their seats within the first 20 minutes and going to each other "DERRRRR THIS IS BORING DERRRRR DID YOU WATCH THE FOOTY ON DA WEEKEND MATE?" They all started ringing each other on their mobile phones and just chatting to each other, not even attempting to be quiet about it either. I couldn't fucking believe it. Why would you even bother staying in the theatre if you really couldn't handle it? "DERRRR I DON'T LIKE THIS SO EVERYONE ELSE MUSTN'T EITHER". It’s okay though, at the end of the day I win, because in a few years time they’ll all be fucked out on meths and bourbon listening to their fat wives nagging them while their litter of degenerate single-brain cell kids shit all over the house. “DERRRRRR MY MISSUS HAS A MASSIVE GUNT AN I LOVE ADIDAS PANTS THEY ARE DA BOMB CHECK OUT MY NEW PHONE MATE ITZ A NOKIA I CAN FIT IT IN MY ARSEHOLE AN TAKE PHOTOS INSIDE IT WOAH WHATS DAT SMELL?!?!”
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Sealand to become a haven for Pirates?

January 22nd 2007 04:48


As you may or may not recall (let's face it, you probably don't), I wrote an article of Sealand a while back


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Take Note

January 19th 2007 09:28
I got a ripped off bit of notage in the mail that said “Hi Luke, on the plane on the way home. I read the copy of CTW you gave me! It was one of the best! – takenote.com.au”. There was no return address on it but I figured out it was from my friend Matt in Brisbane. Anyways I checked out the website and it’s this site that takes messages for you and then the guys on the site send a handwritten version of it to anyone you want in Australia.

Take Note
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Hanging' With Mr. Cooper (and me)

January 17th 2007 12:57


I remember when 'Hanging' with Mr. Cooper' first came on the air and there was a massive craze… people no longer said ‘hello’ to each other, they greeted their friends and family with “What up Coop?” Conversations were continuously interrupted and buoyed by many Cooperisms, such as “You da man Coop!”, “Before you play, what do you say” and “Crank this baby up there


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Bruce Spence
I saw Bruce Spence, that great Australian (New Zealand) character actor who has appeared in Return of the King, Revenge of the Sith, the Matrix Revolutions and Mad Max 2 and 3. He was walking through Town Hall square, he's pretty tall and looks like he's getting old. He saw me staring at him but he didn't seem to mind. He went into a classical music CD store.

I also rode the train home at midday today and this guy sits down next to me and notices that I'm reading 'Catcher in the Rye


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Proof that God is retarded

January 15th 2007 12:48
And on the 7th day, God created this thing, but he decided not to tell anyone because he was embarrassed.


Above you will see a newly discovered amphibious creature that defies current classifications, perhaps more so than any other creature discovered in the last 100 years. It doesn’t have a proper name yet, just some latin bullshit some dude wanked out to satisfy his nerdish ego


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Bob Car Takes out the Trash

January 11th 2007 11:11
This is barely relevant to anything anymore, but I'll post it anyway... it's in reference to a comment to Bob Carr once made, "Obey the law, or leave the country"


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Communism

January 10th 2007 07:48


Jonno does some serious thinking on the idea of Australia becoming a Communist state
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Brett Lee loses the plot

January 9th 2007 12:46
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Cat Stevens Goes Wild

January 8th 2007 05:27
NEWS
Yusef Islam, the artist formally known as Cat Stevens, was arrested today after vandalizing a synagogue in Jerulsalem. The Islamic one-time songwriter was protesting against anti-Muslim cartoons in the media. He was arrested after spray-painting the outside of the synagogue with lyrics from his hit song ‘Father and Son’. He was up to the second verse when he was stopped.

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Thongs and Thonging

January 4th 2007 10:31
Welcome to the Thongs & Thonging blog, the newsletter for the thong-appreciator. We hope that the following will provide you with useful information, witty anecdotal entertainment, and a genuine zest for thonging about.

MISCONCEPTIONS
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Charles Bronson Brand Shampoo

January 3rd 2007 06:51
And now, a word from our sponsor...

BRONSON AND BRONSON SHAMPOO

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Uniformity

January 2nd 2007 06:47
Most people are on holidays.

I have to get up for work around 6 in the morning. It's not too bad, I'll be finished by midday, and I get to work in civvies. When I'm out of uniform it feels like I'm not really working, even when I hop up behind the counter to serve customers


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Prime Minsta Bot and Opposition Bot!

January 1st 2007 01:13


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