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Cane Toad Warrior - December 2006

A correspondence with Cityrail

December 30th 2006 04:25
Dear Cityrail
I am sending you this ticket as proof of purchase and this letter as a request for a refund of some sort for the cancelled train to Glenfield or thereabouts that would’ve passed through Granville around 7:20 am on this date (1/11/05). I paid for a ticket with a view to catching this train and was subsequently made late to work, which I do not appreciate. If it was my own fault to be late to work I would cop it on the chin but the fact that I paid more than $10 for this ticket angers me in the light of the fact that the service I paid for was not available.

Regards, Luke Bartolo.


----------------

Dear Mr Bortolo
I refer to your letter concerning your request for refund of train fare due to disrupted train services.

Please accept my apology on behalf of RailCorp for the inconvenience caused as a result of your intended service being delayed on that occasion.

I regret to advise that RailCorp can accept no responsibility for inconveniences arising from such instances. One of the provision made under the Transport Administration Act of 1988, reads as follows:
“Times published in the official timetables are those at which it is intended to run services. The State Rail Authority does not guarantee the departure or arrival of services at the time stated, nor will it be responsible for any consequence arising thereform.”
“The Authority also reserves the right to cancel, wholly or in part, any of the services shown in the official timetables, or to vary the stations and locations at which the services will pick up or set down passengers. The times of arrival or departure, as shown I such timetables, must be taken to be subject to such right”.


Consequently, your request for a refund of your train fare must be declined.

Yours sincerely, Kim Steine.

----------------

Dear Mr Steine
I received your letter today and was confused by what it contained.

Where is this Transport Administration Act of 1988? I never read it on the ticket… the train stations haven’t really made available any portable timetables, and last time they did (about six months ago I think? I’m not sure, I’m sure you know when though) I don’t recall reading this Act on there.

It doesn’t sound very believable. I mean, it’s funny how all of a sudden this Act comes out of nowhere and gets cited and I’m not entitled to anything! I’m not necessarily saying that you made it up, but I think there’s something dubious about the lack of public access to such information when it informs our rights when it comes to a service we pay for so regularly.
Also, I seem to recall a time about a year or two ago when the public were allowed a whole day of free travel due to the various delays leading up to this day. I think it was a Wednesday, I clearly remember seeing it on the News. If CityRail could offer such a thing for it’s delays then, why can’t it do the same for me now? You say that you must decline my request, but it’s obvious that things aren’t necessarily that rigid if you were able to compensate people in the past. I’ve pretty much solely relied on CityRail to travel about for 10 years now, I’m not asking for you guys to shower me in riches, I’d just like some sort of material acknowledgement for the hassles I’ve had to endure. I never benefited from the aforementioned ‘free day of travel’ as I didn’t have to work that day, but the cancelled train on the 1st of November this year was the last straw. I’ve had enough of paying for ticket after ticket and having to endure such poor service. I realise it’s a hard job to run such a complicated and underfunded system but hey, I’m not the government so it’s not my responsibility. The money I pay for train tickets are not a donation, I expect to get the service I pay for, and if I don’t get it, surely you guys should be morally obligated to repay me in some way?

Regards, Luke Bartolo (not Bortolo).
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John Howard 'rooting' for Stan Zemanyk

December 29th 2006 03:18
Stan Zemanek


A link to the news story in question - John Howard roots for Stan

Last week I came across the above news story on the Nine MSN news site. It's in regards to Stan Zemanek, one of Australia's more vile and loathsome 'shock jocks', who apparently has cancer and is retiring from baiting Australians so he can deal with said illness. It's kind of ironic, considering that Stan has long been a cancer within the Australian media, spreading rot via the airwaves and feeding his ego at the expense of his moronic listeners.

Anyway, this quote came up in the article, it's from John Howard - who rang in to Stan's last show to say these words, "You look after yourself, we're thinking of you and rooting for you."

Now, and I'm sure Mr. Howard is aware of this, 'rooting' has long been Australian slang for 'fucking'. In America, it means to back a team, or to cheer for someone, but that has never really been the case in Australia.

Until now.

It seems the Americanisation of our media has led to the further homogenisation of our culture, and more and more our language, grammar and general society is starting to resemble that of our American cousins. And, as if John Howard's tongue wasn't already brown enough from licking the sphincter of George W. Bush's arse, he now appears to be embracing this infection of our culture. Shame on you Mr. Howard! If any of our previous Prime Ministers had used the word 'rooting' there would've been no doubt that they were referring to fornication, but good old Johnny Arse-licker instead continues his one-man war against all things great.

Or is he?

Did John Howard genuinely mean that he would be rooting for Stan? That he would be throwing one up his wife in honour of Stan's memory, praying with every thrust that it would help Stan beat his cancer? His wife would no doubt hold up her hand in protest one night, "No John, I have a headache dear" and he would unbuckle his pants and wag his finger admonishingly, "Now now, this is for Stan darling... lie back and think of America, oops, I mean England".

And if I root for Stan to never return to radio again, will this cancel out Mr. Howard's attempts? I better give my girlfriend a call, we have a serious job to do...
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The Fork and the Butterknife

December 28th 2006 01:45
The fork tumbled down over the plates and other cutlery, clinking into the sink below.

"Hello there!" said the butterknife in a rather jovial fashion.
"Er, hello" replied the fork.
"New here, eh?"
"Yes. I am". The two implements laid side by side in the sink.
"Well, I suppose I should let you know - you might want to hold your breath for this bit!"
"Er, why?" asked the fork. But before the butterknife could answer, a great torrent of water came gushing down on top of them, followed by an immense amount of crockery.

The fork tried to scream as it was crushed under the plates and cups. But the water was coming too fast, and it only managed to gurgle in a panic-stricken fashion. Then a great big hand plunged into the water next to it and started to swirl everything around. The fork felt dizzy. And next thing it knew it was up in the air, out of the claustrophobic sink, and being dried with a fine towel.

With a rattle and a clink, the fork fell into a basket, next to the butterknife again.

"Feel clean now old chap?" asked the butterknife with a chuckle.
"That was fucking ridiculous" replied the fork.
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Thinness and Fatness

December 26th 2006 23:52
I saw this chick in the plaza the other day, she was so thin it made me sick to look at her. Her arms were so thin, her elbows were wider then the bits on either side. Sickening. How could someone that far gone NOT be unhealthy?

I find it easier to look at fat chicks than abnormally thin ones. Seeing bones makes me ill... whilst staring at a fatty can be almost mesmerising. Like a great big white fluffy cloud… only struck through with varicose veins and lumps of cellulite. Mmm, a bit like KFC really


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Supapoo

December 23rd 2006 08:51
So I got home from work today and I open my letterbox and there's a funny smell in it. I pick up this bundle of paper and unwrap it to find that it is a flyer for a fertiliser company called 'Supapoo' and there is a satchel of shit attached to it.

You gotta be fucking kidding me


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The Legend of Jesus

December 22nd 2006 11:21
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Christmas Time. What the...

December 21st 2006 11:16


Yes, what the fuck indeed


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Lamb Kebabs

December 19th 2006 06:18


My brother got a kebab in Glebe once and he goes to the guy behind the counter, "Got any lamb kebabs?" and the kebab guy replies, "The beef has lamb in it


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Dear Karyn Paluzzano

December 18th 2006 10:36
I never got a reply to this one

Member for Penrith, Karyn Paluzzano

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12 Really Bad Christmas Presents

December 15th 2006 04:34
Christmas is for everyone!


1. A used sock


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Dirty Water

December 14th 2006 12:17
Tap water is dirty, but strangely it doesn’t kill you. I never got sick from tap water, not that I was aware of anyway. It started in the early to mid 90s, a scare here or there (none of which resulted in death) led to a sharp rise in the buying of water filters… this in turn gave way to higher consumption of various bottled water brands. As the years went by the craze crazed on with no sign of slowing… more and more people turned away from the dirty tap water in favour of “clean and pure bottled water” (quote taken from some woman on a street somewhere).


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A Full Moon

December 13th 2006 06:56
I haven't mooned in ages. There's some fun to be had with mooning though.

On my 22nd birthday I went to Penrith Panthers Leagues Club and got fairly drunk, anyways a mate of mine gave me a lift home and dared me to moon out of the window (shotgun) for the entire trip home. So I did. Anyway we pulled up at some lights and some old couple pulled up next to us. I'm there with my arse hanging out the window and the guy in the seat behind me winds down his window and calls out for the attention of the couple... I hear their gasps of surprise as Shano (the guy in the back) starts slapping my arse and laughing


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-------------------------ROUND ONE------------------------


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SOME GREAT CHRISTMAS DINNER IDEAS

December 7th 2006 10:46
1. Make some toast. Pull your pants down and squeeze some shit out onto it. When they remark on it’s excruciatingly similar appearance, smell, texture and taste to poo, tell them it is and that they should fuck off.

2. Smash them in the head with a brick


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To Kelloggs

December 6th 2006 13:15
To Kelloggs “Just Right”, re: your fruit ‘n’ flakes variety.

I am writing this letter to make note of and bring to your attention the recent drop in quality of your product. One week I found ‘Just Right Fruit n flakes’ to be nothing but flakes, save for one or two sultanas. I rose above the chore and chewed my way through the rest of the pack (as disgustingly bland as it was). I wrote it off as a freak occurrence, a small speck on your otherwise spotless reputation. How wrong I was! The following week I found your product to be the opposite – piles of sultanas and apple with one or two flakes interspersed between them. I tried to soldier on through the haphazard nature of your cereal once again but found it was too much, the overload of sultanas left me feeling ill and queasy each day before work, and so I stopped


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Telstra, you are a Star!

December 6th 2006 08:13


The ‘system’ simply doesn’t work. I used to have my phone with Telstra but at the time of writing I switched to Optus about 8 months ago… anyway, somehow this left an unpaid amount with Telstra for one phone call or something – 22 cents (as you can see in the picture). Every month, without fail, I get a letter in the mail from Telstra… unpaid amount, 22 cents, ‘payment is not required until next bill’. The next bill is inevitably exactly the same and so it continues. I estimate that Telstra have spent a minimum of some $5 dollars by now. I tell people this, and they reply, “Well, obviously it’s automatic. A computer must send it out”. No shit. No human could possibly make the same error so extenuatingly! I’ll have to pay it eventually just to avoid a bad credit rating, even though I’m told my payment is not required yet and will never actually explicitly be asked to make said payment. But as you can see, the system isn’t working. It’s like the film ‘Brazil’… bureaucracy gone mad. The asylum is running itself. This is just small fry, but imagine what kind of stuff is going on elsewhere with bigger computers and bigger companies and bigger dickheads not looking out for these glitches.
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Xmas Facts and Fun

December 5th 2006 08:00


* St Nicholas Day was the original gift-giving day, and it took place on December 6th


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Top 5 LOLz

December 1st 2006 10:18
I'm going away for a few days so I'm just doing a short post on each of my blogs today.

What are your top five LOLz moments


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