The Groovy Adventures of Matt Locke: Job - Part 6
September 29th 2006 11:01
It is the next day. Matt has gone out to ‘work’. Leif slouches on the lounge, his eyes glazed over as he watches TV. Buzz comes shuffling in.
Buzz grunts at Leif and collapses on the lounge next to him.
Leif: Having a good day?
Buzz grunts again.
Leif: What’d you get up to?
Buzz: Ate some plants. Chased a dog. Took a dump in a plastic bag and left it on Addy’s doorstep.
Buzz: The best.
They watch TV for a bit longer.
Leif: I wanna get up, hey? But there’s just no reason to.
Buzz nods, slack-jawed. The theme song to “Play School” can be heard coming from the television. Buzz starts nodding his head to the music.
Leif: You reckon Matt’s got any money around?
Buzz: Of course.
Leif: I’m gonna raid his room!
Leif, with as much effort as he can muster, peels himself off the lounge and walks off toe Matt’s room.
Leif slowly pushes the door to Matt’s room open, peering in as if expecting someone to be in there. When he sees it is empty, he strides in and looks all around. Leif jumps up on Matt’s bed, jumps up and down on it for a few moments, and then seems to remember why he came in. He goes to the poster above Matt’s bed, and peels the top half down to look behind it. He pulls out a page that has been cut out from a magazine. He holds it up to the light with a confused look of interest and disgust.
Leif: (quietly) Tonia Toddman?
Leif grimaces and replaces the picture behind the poster. He jumps down off the bed and opens the wardrobe, ignoring the mannequin painted in Braveheart-style warpaint. He rummages through Matt’s things but finds no money. He shuts the wardrobe doors and leans back against them, thinking.
Leif: Ah!
Leif bends down and searches under Matt’s bed. He pulls out a used tin of baked beans and empties it out onto the bed. A collection of notes and coins topple out.
Leif: Merry Christmas Leif!
Club Cesspool. This is the local pub… a dingy, pathetic and barren graveyard of day-time drunks. It is perpetually dark inside, bad 80s rock plays the jukebox and dodgy-looking members of various marginalized groups of social outcasts cluster around the bar, tables and stained pool-tables. Leif pushes the door open triumphantly, standing the daylight that pours into the darkened room. Some of the barflies squint and huddle away from the light, trying to see who has come in.
Leif: Lads, a most glorious day has arrived. I, Leif Potter, have had a quite fortuitous piece of luck.
Leif holds a big bundle of notes, waving it braggingly in the faces of some drunks sitting at the closet table. He walks up to the bar.
Leif: Hey, wench!
The barchick looks at Leif witheringly.
Barchick: Didn’t we bar you Potter?
Leif: No, no… it’s okay, I have money!
Barchick: You won’t try and drape your undies on the bouncer’s face again?
Leif: (crossing his fingers behind his back) I promise.
Barchick: What d’ya want then?
Leif: Schooner of Sheep Dip Dry thanks!
The barchick pours the drink into a dirty glass and Leif pays for it. One of the drunks at the bar eyes the wad of cash in Leif’s hand. Leif notices.
Leif: Old timer, stop staring you’re making me sick. You won’t ever see money like this again unless you rob someone.
The drunk scowls and looks away.
Leif sits down on a stool and turns to a drunk on the other side.
Leif: Fun times matey?
The drunk is unable to speak, he just moans lowly and a big string of drool cascades down onto the beer mat.
Leif: Yeah… fun times.
Leif starts ogling the barchick, who is down the other end of the bar watching the TV.
Leif: (to drunk) I’d like to glaze her face in my sugar-shot… I should try and splash some beer up on her shirt.
Leif starts leering at her really obviously. This goes on for a while until the doors burst open noisily, and about 6 or 7 guys come in. It’s the local school rugby team. They raucously make their way over to the bar, one of them knocks Leif’s massive hat off his hat and messes up his hair.
Rugby Player: Hey Leif! Taking a break from the TV?
Leif: (sarcastically, though it’s actually true) Yeah… What are you guys doing?
Rugby Player: We just had a win! (The team cheers) Time to celebrate.
The barchick leans over the bar and admonishes the rugby players.
Barchick: Hey! I don’t want none of those homoerotic rugby rituals in here this afternoon!
The team groans.
Leif: What are you talking about?
Barchick: You know full well what I’m talkin’ about… nudey runs…
Another groan.
Barchick: …Pouring beer down a pyramid of naked arsecracks and sweaty roid-shrunken ballbags into a schooner and then getting some mug to drink it…
A louder groan.
Rugby Player: Alright, alright! We’ll just have a round and then we’ll be off. (Turns to teammates) We’ll go somewhere else boys. You up for it Leif?
Leif looks around, looks at the wad of cash in his hand, and shrugs.
Leif: For sure!
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